The Last Report of 2007

I would like to issue a formal apology. As a Banana Reporter and a member of the Fruit Reporters Guild (FRG), it is my solemn duty to report on bananas as they ripen. I was given this photo a full week ago in order to show one Mr. Ash why his cookies could not be made yet, since the bananas needed to ripen more. At the time of posting today, the cookies have already been made and mailed. I'm sorry, everyone, but most importantly to Mr. Ash, who when he visited this blog, commented, "I don't get the joke."

But, onwards and upwards. 2008 is a new year. Godspeed, ripening. Godspeed, potassium. Godspeed, bananas. 2008 is your time to shine.

Poor Opener

I tried to peel this banana, and the whole top came off. I think it's one of those "experimental bananas," and it was playing with new ways off opening besides the traditional peeling. This is the sort of banana that Warhol was into.

Yesterday's News

First, some belated news from yesterday. I ate one of the bananas in my morning hot cereal experience. And well...it wasn't all that ripe. Oh, it wasn't unripe, sure, but it wasn't sweet. It wasn't really tender. It didn't add enjoyment to the cereal.

And so today, there is one. One banana left.

Thursday

While I am still concerned about the bruise-like browning on the back of the bananas, I am also greatly encouraged by the small brown spots seen here. These "flavor spots," as I call them, imply that the bananas are reaching their moment of maximum sweetness.

This makes me tear up a little bit. Oh, if you could have seen these bananas a week ago, friends. See, before the Banana Report started, these bananas were on my coworker's desk for a week, a full week, without ever seeing a glint of yellow. They were green and hard, and when my coworker tried to eat one, she could barely even get the tough skin off of the fruit inside. And why would she have wanted to? The banana at that point was hard and bitter -- and understanably so. Plucked from its sunny home, shipped in trucks and on boats, the bananas had been torn from the only home they knew.

But do you see what a little love and attention can do? Do you see these bananas, ready to shed their skins? Who would have believed that these ripe little fruits -- a little bruised, sure, but still sweet -- were once so green, so unforgiving?

Oh, yellow bananas. I am so proud of you.

BREAKING

My coworker has eaten the lone banana! She says "it was very good...very good. It was the best banana I've had all week."

Wednesday

Yesterday, the single banana was bequeathed to my coworker (who is also the owner of the lovely ring/extra hand you see in this photo). In the interest of scientific experimentation, she placed the lone banana on top of a Magic 8 Ball next to her window, where the banana can soak up the sun's ripening rays. Is the sun truly going to make our lone banana ripen faster? Is my coworker turning the banana over at midday so both sides receive even sun? And what role is the wild card Magic 8 Ball going to play? Cannot predict now.

As for our stalwart twins, they remain next to my desk in a continuing state of unripe/possibly rotting. The green has retreated to the tip and tail of each banana, but all that glitters is not gold for these fruits: their yellow sheen is broken by dull brown patches that imply bruising. O damaged bananas, O tropical fruits, the time to eat you creeps closer, ever closer. I hope you are delicious.

Tuesday

Uh-oh. Do you see this? They're starting to brown. Why is this bad? The other side of the bananas is still green. How can a banana be both unripe and rotting? Is that what this fast-paced, rag-tag world does to them? And how is this a metaphor for America's children?

Monday

Bananas are starting to look slightly yellow. One banana has broken free and is no longer connected at the stem to the other two bananas. How will this play out? Will the lone banana ripen first? Will the two connected bananas combine their ripening powers to leave our loner in the dust?

I'll keep you updated.